firsts

my little one started "school". well, she started mother's day out which is pretty much the same as school in my "first time mommy book". really, it is just another reminder of how fast she is growing up. she is no longer a dependent baby, she is very much an independent toddler. we arrived at "school" and after a quick hesitation she reached her little arms to her teacher and didn't look back. i was told she had a good first day and i sure hope that's true. as much as i didn't want to leave her that morning i was so proud to watch her go. she has seen a lot of change in her short life thus far, and a few months ago she would have never let go of my grasp, but she has settled. she is happy. she is comfortable and confident, and for that i am so very proud.

my momma always told me

my momma always told me:

"you'll understand when you have kids"

she always told me that she loved me, she showed me that she was there to support me regardless, she provided me an open and safe home, and gave me her friendship.

today and everyday i am thankful for my momma.

happy mother's day to you mom, and all those mommas out there that spend all of their days providing for their babies.

four generations

mother

someone recently asked me what the best part of being a mom was.


a great and impossible question.

my immediate answer was simple and in no way efficiently explained the best part of being a mom.

i have been thinking of that question since.

becoming a mother completely changed my life. as i'm sure all other mothers can attest once your child is born everything changes. for me it wasn't a dramatic, immediate burst that i had always assumed it would be, it was simply an instantaneous and subtle shift into a new existence. everything was just different. my thoughts, my concerns, my actions, my feelings, my everything.
her dependence on me consumes all that i am, and i love it. being her mother is now what defines me. it is who i am, what i do, and it is the most difficult and wonderful existence.

so, to answer the impossible question, the best part of being a mom is having her in my life. she makes everything infinitely better

my people

There was a time that I thought hopeless thoughts and my lungs couldn’t find air.


There was a time that my world fell apart.

It felt as though my world fell apart.

There was a time wherein what I believed to be true in this world was not.

What I believed my life to be it was not.

I was sad.

I am sad.

I was mad.

I am mad.
**********************
Time and time again I have been picked up.

Someone has provided me with hope, with love.

Many someones. Time and time again.

I have people.

I have good people.

Great and wonderful people.

People who found the air for me and helped me breathe.



I am thankful for those people

*there are plenty of people not pictured. You know who you are, and I thank you.

Ive learned that time keeps moving

Ive learned that you must keep moving to

Ive learned that I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for

Ive learned that having a child makes you stronger

Ive learned what true heartbreak feels like

Ive learned that the heart is a wondrous thing, it can be broken and full at the same time

Ive learned that sometimes all you can do is cry

Ive learned to find comfort in the morning’s arrival

Ive learned to depend on the hope that a new day brings

Ive learned that a smile from your baby cures a multitude of ills

Ive learned that I now live for her

Ive learned that the future is uncertain

Ive learned that happiness is a choice, and a hard one at times

Ive learned that my friends are also my family

Ive learned that my family will pick me up when I have fallen

Ive learned that love isn’t always enough

Ive learned that I was wrong

Im learning that I am the only one that controls my happiness

Im learning that I need to work on improving myself

Im learning to be a better mother, friend, sister and daughter

Im learning to ask for help

Im learning to sit in silence

Im learning that time passes to quickly

Im learning to juggle it all

Im learning that I have no control over his actions

Im learning that you shouldn’t expect certain behaviors

Im learning to seek contentment in each moment

Im learning to trust my instincts

Im learning to embrace change

Im learning to let it be

today is the day

Dear Addelyn,
Today is the day you are coming into this world.  Today is the day that you will forever change my life.  Your daddy and I have been looking forward to your birth for so long now.  I hope I have provided you a good "home" over these past ten months. I hope to provide you a good home for the rest of your life. It has been an honor carrying you with me, feeling you move and grow inside of me.  You are truly a blessing.  I can't wait to watch you grow up, to watch you become the beautiful woman I know you will be.  Always know that your momma loves you unconditionally.  I have loved you since you were just a thought, a desire, in my mind.  I promise to support you, to nurture you and encourage your independence.  I will always be here for you.  I will always be your mother.  Thank you for already amazing me in so many ways.  I love you and can't wait to start our journey together. 
Love Always,
Mom

Dear Addelyn,
As I am writing this letter to you, your mommy and I are just a few hours from meeting you for the very first time.  Apparently you are a pretty big girl, you mommy has to deliver you via c-section.  For the past nine months we have worked very hard to make sure that when you come home in a few days everything is perfect!! I could barely sleep last night because I was so excited for today.  I can't wait to see you and Mommy together, I think you are going to look just like her!
  I know that you won't remember today but there are so many family members and friends that are so excited to meet you.  I promise you that I will take care of you and your mom every day of my life.  I am a very lucky man to have you both. 
  The Dr. days that you have a lot of hair and weighed 7 lbs & 15 oz last Wednesday.  I can't wait to see you in person.  You have a bunch of cute clothes to wear, I have already got you some Dallas Cowboys and Dallas Mavericks onesies and dresses.  I have a feeling that you will love sports and especially love our Mavs & Cowboys. 
  I love you so much Addy!! I can't wait to watch you grow up and become an amazing woman.
P.S. no dating till you are at least 30!!
XOXOXO,
Dad

progress

picture taken at: 36 weeks + 3 days

how far along? 9 months (+ 5 days)

maternity clothes? even my maternity shirts are becoming too short to cover my big 'ol belly. target's long and lean tank tops have been my go to tops these past few days

stretch marks? nope

sleep? occurs in nap like segments regardless of the time of day or night. it must be true that your body prepares for the lack of sleep you are to get once a newborn is in the house weeks before the newborn actually makes her appearance. at this rate i should be quite prepared.

best moment last week? successfully reaching the 9 month mark, and hearing my sweet girls heartbeat. the doctor says i am 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. :)

movement? she's a dancer! it has been so great experiencing all the different movements over the past few months. feeling her movements transition from butterflies to sharp jabs to rolls and tumbles has been one of my favorite experiences throughout this pregnancy.

symptoms? i haven't gained weight (according to the scales) this past month or so, but my belly has grown by leaps and bounds. again, it is crazy what your body does.

gender? girl. Addelyn Elizabeth

nursery? done, except for a few pictures to hang and a screen to put together.

labor signs? well, it's hard to say. ive had plenty of pains the past few days, but don't know what exactly to call them.

belly button in/out? in, don't think it is going to pop out at this point.

what I miss? being comfortable. it is pretty hard to find a comfortable way to sit, lay, walk, etc...

looking forward to? MEETING THIS LITTLE GIRL!!

what the professionals are saying:

How your baby's growing: Your baby is now considered "full term," even though your due date is three weeks away. If you go into labor now, his lungs will likely be mature enough to fully adjust to life outside the womb. (Some babies need a bit more time, though. So if you're planning to have a repeat c-section, for example, your practitioner will schedule it for no earlier than 39 weeks unless there's a medical reason to intervene earlier.) Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz via baby center