Sometimes...

Sometimes I wish someone else would unload the groceries. Sometimes I wish I was fixing dinner for another adult, or eating dinner with another adult. Sometimes I wish I could take a shower without a monitor or toddler in tow. Sometimes I wish I could take turns on bath or diaper duty, or pouring milk duty, or entertaining duty, or tucking her in, reading her stories, folding the laundry, washing the dishes, taking out the trash or changing the cat litter, feeding the animals, sweeping the floors, or any other of the many duties that must be done each day.

Sometimes I wish these things. 

Not all the time.  

In fact, these wishes cross my mind rarely, but there are those days that I feel overwhelmed and overly tired. 

Today is one of those days. 

However, tomorrow is a new day, and regardless of how tired or overwhelmed I am, seeing this sweet face everyday makes it all worth while.

Lunch date for one

I had a great lunch today, which may not seem exciting to some, but I was pretty impressed. I tried a little place that I've been eyeing for years, literally. For some reason there seems to be a negative stigma placed on eating alone. Although logically I have never agreed with it I've been guilty of assuming that eating alone meant you were lonely, or rather that other people would see you as such. What a silly notion, really. 

I have held myself back from doing so many things that I want, or have wanted, to do simply because someone else didn't share the same desire, or doing it alone seemed to intimidating. Again, what a silly notion. 

A week or so ago I decided to start a list of things I want, and have wanted, to do so as to create a constant reminder that those are the things I should be making time for. Trying Kosta's Greek Cafe was on the list. 

Because a doctors appointment cut my work day extremely short today I had ample time to sit down and have lunch. I stifled all my hesitations and joined a cafe full of suites and couples for an amazing lunch. I went all out and Kosta's cafe did not disappoint.

Dolmas to start.

Followed by a Gyro sandwich with Greek potatoes. 

-checked it off my list!

Dear Future Husband,

I don't care for chocolate, and I always forget to keep flowers watered, so there is no need to waste your money on those things for me. 
However, I do like "mix tapes" and love notes, so shower me with those often.

Future Husband posts inspired by the lovely Marli @ chase simplicity.

Pictures, the final product

As I mentioned before, my talented friend Marli took pictures of Addelyn and I the other day. Here are a few of my favorites:

Excuse the photo dump, but I told y'all she is talented and my little bug is to cute!

Deserving

Tell your bride that she is beautiful on your wedding day. Tell her she is beautiful when she gives birth to your child.  Tell her because you feel it, because it overwhelms you and you have to let it out. You should tell her often, countless times between those two days, but especially on those two days, because really when is a woman more beautiful than on those two days?

Because if you don't tell her she may always question the way in which you see her.  She may always question the way in which she sees herself.

Give thanks

Today I am thankful for this cup of coffee and for my patio where I come every morning to sit and enjoy the sun rising in the quite before she wakes.

Pictures

Yesterday morning Addy, myself, and "auntie" Marli went to the arboretum for a photo shoot. Ive been wanting to have her picture professionally taken since she turned a year old. However, professional pictures are expensive! And needless to say,  I have been having trouble coming up with any extra money these days. However, I am very lucky in the friend department and one of my best friends so happens to also take some of the best photographs. So I asked if she would be willing to snap a few of my Addy and me, and thankfully she said yes.

Here are some "raw" shots she sent to me yesterday.

Isn't she talented, and isn't my little bug precious?!?!

The body

I wouldn't consider myself a runner, nor a cyclist, nor an avid health nut. I still have to talk myself into working out 9 times out of 10, and there are plenty of excuses I've succumbed to that have kept me on my couch. But.... I like to run, and I greatly enjoy riding a bike and I even eat healthy things on occasion. Above all else, the feeling I get after a physical activity of any kind is completely unique and well worth the sweat.

I enjoy being active. I enjoy being outside. And, as crazy as it may sound, I like to sweat.

The human body has always intrigued me. It is a wondrous thing. How it works together, how intricately everything is connected and how mysterious some aspects of it remain. Today, I am thankful for my body. Although it may not be the shape I would love for it to be, nor look as I dream it to, it is mine. And this body has carried me many places and continued working and pushing me forward even when I felt as though it couldn't. So from now on I am going to try and think of its strengths rather than its "weaknesses". 

Dear Future Husband,

Please plan nights out on the town for us.  Take me to that "hole-in-the-wall" for burgers and beers, or take me to the movies and follow it up with late night ice cream.  And please do so without my knowing because as much as I say I don't like surprises, really, I kind of love them.

Future Husband post inspired by the beautiful Marli @ chase simplicity.

 

photo found here, rights reserved

firsts

my little one started "school". well, she started mother's day out which is pretty much the same as school in my "first time mommy book". really, it is just another reminder of how fast she is growing up. she is no longer a dependent baby, she is very much an independent toddler. we arrived at "school" and after a quick hesitation she reached her little arms to her teacher and didn't look back. i was told she had a good first day and i sure hope that's true. as much as i didn't want to leave her that morning i was so proud to watch her go. she has seen a lot of change in her short life thus far, and a few months ago she would have never let go of my grasp, but she has settled. she is happy. she is comfortable and confident, and for that i am so very proud.

my momma always told me

my momma always told me:

"you'll understand when you have kids"

she always told me that she loved me, she showed me that she was there to support me regardless, she provided me an open and safe home, and gave me her friendship.

today and everyday i am thankful for my momma.

happy mother's day to you mom, and all those mommas out there that spend all of their days providing for their babies.

four generations

mother

someone recently asked me what the best part of being a mom was.


a great and impossible question.

my immediate answer was simple and in no way efficiently explained the best part of being a mom.

i have been thinking of that question since.

becoming a mother completely changed my life. as i'm sure all other mothers can attest once your child is born everything changes. for me it wasn't a dramatic, immediate burst that i had always assumed it would be, it was simply an instantaneous and subtle shift into a new existence. everything was just different. my thoughts, my concerns, my actions, my feelings, my everything.
her dependence on me consumes all that i am, and i love it. being her mother is now what defines me. it is who i am, what i do, and it is the most difficult and wonderful existence.

so, to answer the impossible question, the best part of being a mom is having her in my life. she makes everything infinitely better

my people

There was a time that I thought hopeless thoughts and my lungs couldn’t find air.


There was a time that my world fell apart.

It felt as though my world fell apart.

There was a time wherein what I believed to be true in this world was not.

What I believed my life to be it was not.

I was sad.

I am sad.

I was mad.

I am mad.
**********************
Time and time again I have been picked up.

Someone has provided me with hope, with love.

Many someones. Time and time again.

I have people.

I have good people.

Great and wonderful people.

People who found the air for me and helped me breathe.



I am thankful for those people

*there are plenty of people not pictured. You know who you are, and I thank you.

Ive learned that time keeps moving

Ive learned that you must keep moving to

Ive learned that I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for

Ive learned that having a child makes you stronger

Ive learned what true heartbreak feels like

Ive learned that the heart is a wondrous thing, it can be broken and full at the same time

Ive learned that sometimes all you can do is cry

Ive learned to find comfort in the morning’s arrival

Ive learned to depend on the hope that a new day brings

Ive learned that a smile from your baby cures a multitude of ills

Ive learned that I now live for her

Ive learned that the future is uncertain

Ive learned that happiness is a choice, and a hard one at times

Ive learned that my friends are also my family

Ive learned that my family will pick me up when I have fallen

Ive learned that love isn’t always enough

Ive learned that I was wrong

Im learning that I am the only one that controls my happiness

Im learning that I need to work on improving myself

Im learning to be a better mother, friend, sister and daughter

Im learning to ask for help

Im learning to sit in silence

Im learning that time passes to quickly

Im learning to juggle it all

Im learning that I have no control over his actions

Im learning that you shouldn’t expect certain behaviors

Im learning to seek contentment in each moment

Im learning to trust my instincts

Im learning to embrace change

Im learning to let it be